THEY SAY THAT OPPOSITES ATTRACT
By Dena Blatt-Malamud
It may be that
opposites attract, but they’re not easy to live with. Imagine a thrifty
person married to a free-spender. The thrifty one is drawn to the glamour
of the free spirit, but is anxious when the bills can’t be paid. The
spendthrift, when the bill collector is at the door, wishes he could be more
like his mate, but does not change. The arguments continue, and both suffer.
Each looks to what is missing within. The messy
person finds the neat one, the talkative person finds the listener in the quiet
one, the “taker” finds the “giver,” the extravert is
drawn to the introvert; each struggles with the demands of his opposite.
In order for the relationship to “work,” that
is, continue, it becomes co-dependent—one of them has to dominate, and
the other give in. They fit because each has a need of the other. Take masochists
and sadists, for example. What would sadists be without masochists? Each has
picked a role familiar and fitting to him from his childhood experiences, and
consciously or unconsciously plays it out.
As a certified graphoanalyst of many years, I
do, in addition to individual personality profiles, what I call a “Compatibility” of
a couple’s handwriting. However, I always made a point of never saying
that they were compatible or not. I would simply say: “Your handwriting
shows you have these traits, and your partner reveals this or that character
and personality. It is up to you whether or not you can live with it.” I
stopped doing these “Compatibility Profiles,” when all relationships
that came to me, broke up.
In my graphoanalysis work and in my research,
I have found that couples of similar character and personality (in contrast
to opposites), find not only less friction in their relationship, but more companionship
and mutual encouragement.
So, opposites may attract, but relationships with
mostly similar traits and just a few differences (to spice it up), are the healthier
ones—the ones most likely to be happy and long.